Allow Me To Review The Shit Out of "The Avengers"

I saw The Avengers today. I have some things that need to be said.

First, to the critics:

I've read a few of your reviews, and they seem to trend negative not because of the movie itself, but because of the genre, though I'm not sure if you mean action movies or comic book movies. Either way, most of you who've given negative marks have done so using the most verbose and flowery language possible, pointing to the cavernous emptiness and blah blah blah.

My response to you: climb out of the ivory tower, put down the Jonathan Franzen novel, and pick up a goddamn comic book. You're not doing anyone favors by being as out of touch with modern culture as, say, Mitt Romney.

Now, on to my own thoughts.

Is The Avengers perfect? No. There was only one perfect film, and it died for our sins so other films could know the joy of record-breaking opening weekends.

That being said, there was very little to dislike about the movie. I didn't have any issues with it at all, and generally I'm a very picky moviegoer. One small complaint might be a few moments when Scarlett Johansson didn't quite hit her mark as an actor, but those were small things. Easy to ignore.

The script played out beautifully, dialog working seamlessly with the acting and direction. As a comic book fan, I can't express to you how utterly perfect each of the main characters felt in their roles. That goes all the way around--dialog and personalities were spot-on, but the action itself was stylized and tailored to each character. Take Captain America as he bounces around the battlefield, fighting with acrobatic grace one moment and rescuing civilians the next. There were many small scenes taken directly from my mind, images so iconic that you can't help associating them with the characters moving in front of you. Cap, again, as he jumps and pulls himself into a ball behind his shield to escape an explosion. Brilliant and logical.

At two and a half hours long, the movie should have dragged at some point. It didn't. The progression was smooth and always interesting, but the truly surprising element was how much comedy fit in to the story. Joss Whedon's touch was evident there, the hilarious moments between characters giving the film a sense of reality. I believed Tony Stark was a real guy, that Steve Rodgers could walk off the screen at any moment.

It's an action movie, but one with heart. Seeing the struggle Mark Ruffalo goes through (probably the best performance in the film) as Bruce Banner trying to contain the Hulk, actually made me feel bad for the guy. I could see Tony Stark being budged from his self-centered mindset by seeing the suffering around him. I felt the shift in his character.

It might not be a perfect movie, but it is a perfect example of what superheroes should be. At their core, the characters are human (mostly) or at least have a basic humanity. They represent the modern equivalent of Hercules as flawed people with great power. They screw up, they fight, but ultimately they use that power to protect those who can't protect themselves.

I don't know what some critics expected or hoped for from The Avengers but it's clear to me they have no concept of the genre. In reading those negative reviews, I got a sense of disdain for it simply because of what the movie was and not for what the movie says.

Not every film has to be an art house classic, people. It's okay to produce action films, superhero films, and it's just as fine to enjoy them. Bad ones are bereft of meaning in the name of making money, decent ones tell a story but never truly captivate. Great ones capture the spirit of the characters and make your heart move.

This is one of the greats. Hands down. I've never laughed so much during a comic book or action movie, nor felt tears come to my eyes as often. I rooted out loud at times, cheered loudly when bad guys got their comeuppance, and geeked out at every single nod to the source material.

If your opinion is that The Avengers could somehow have been better, then I'm going to tell you something I generally never say about opinions: You are wrong. This movie couldn't have been a better translation of the story. Period.

Now, if you haven't seen it, go do that. Seriously, stop reading and go.